


It’s Never Been About Vampires

by tessentially



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, god the second part is all fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13248900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessentially/pseuds/tessentially
Summary: Baz is a present and immediate something, Simon knows that much. It doesn’t make any sense— he tries explaining it to Penny, but he can’t find the right words.What if Simon had been slightly more self aware? —In which Simon doesn’t know what to do with his feelings, and Penny encourages him to just use his words.





	1. Simon

**Author's Note:**

> Haha I wrote this spontaneously and it might not be perfect, but enjoy nonetheless!

“Baz is a present and immediate-“ The words get caught in my throat

  
“Threat?” Penny asks.

  
“No, not a threat.” That alarms her, and she finally looks up from her spell book.

  
“Oh, Simon.” 

  
“I just— I don’t—“ I don’t have the words.

  
“What is he then? If not a threat.”

  
“I don’t know.” She closes her book. She’s making that concerned face she makes when I go searching for Baz in the catacombs, or when I tap my fork furiously against my dish at breakfast while I stare at him. Or when I’m about to go off.

  
“Did something happen? Is it bad?”

  
“No, nothing happened. It’s not bad— I mean, it’s not good. It might actually be bad. It’s— I don’t know Penny.”

  
“You’re not making any sense, Simon.”

  
I shrug. I know I’m not making any sense, because none of this makes sense.

  
“Okay,” she sighs. “Obviously you’re having trouble articulating yourself. Just let me help you. If not a threat, Baz is a present and immediate what?”

  
“Problem.”

  
“I thought you said it wasn’t bad.”

  
“Okay. A distraction.” She gives me a peculiar look. And then she laughs.

  
“Hasn’t he always been a distraction to you?”

  
“That’s. . . that’s the problem, I guess. Because even though he’s always been a distraction, I just thought— I just. I never. I never knew why.”

  
“Because he’s a vampire. Right?”

  
And now it’s my turn to laugh. “It’s never been about vampires.” Penny is smart, and the look on her face tells me she has an idea. I don’t know when I started crying.

  
Penny grabs my hands, and tries to calm me down the way she always does when I’m about to go off. But I don’t think I’m about to go off. There’s a pressure in my chest, and I don’t think it’s the hot, searing energy of my magic. I don’t taste smoke in the back of my throat and I don’t feel a static jumping from my skin into the room around me.

  
It doesn’t make sense.

  
“Just tell me, Simon.”

  
I know I just have to say it. It’s not like I don’t know at this point. It’s not like I can go back to hating him. The pressure in my chest is dark blue and dense and excruciating. And seeping, behind my mouth. Into my stomach, my hands.

  
“I think I love him.” I sigh immediately after saying it, because there it is. And as much as it sits so wrong, it sounds so simple.

  
She waits beat before saying, “I think that’s a reasonable conclusion.”

  
“Fuck, what do I do? I really love him, Penny. I love him so much, I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t—“

  
She hushes me. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything with it.”

  
“I can’t just— I can’t not do anything with it!”

  
“Yes you can. Simon, you’re gonna be okay. It’s not the worst thing about your life, to be in love. Even if it’s Baz.”

  
“I can’t ever tell him. I’m gonna have to fight him one day, Penny.”

  
“Do you want to?”

  
“Fight him? Of course not! It breaks my fucking heart—”

  
“No, to tell him.”

I just shake my head. “He would hate me.”

  
“Aren’t we working under the assumption that he already does?” I guess, we are. And I guess he can’t hate me much more. It’s so tempting. How good it would feel, to just say it. To his face. It would probably make me feel better. To let him know that someone loves him, that he’s not a monster. To apologize and say I’ve been all wrong.

“What would I even say?”

  
“What you said to me. You’re never elegant— if you made a whole speech, he’d probably be more surprised at you forming coherent sentences than the fact that you love him.”

  
“Don’t just say it like that.”

  
“Like what?”

  
“That I love him.” She grins.

  
“Those are your words! You love him so much, you don’t know what to do with it. Those are your words.”

  
“I would just tell him? Like, just walk up to him, and say it?” I feel almost giddy, at the thought of doing such a dumb thing. But Penny nods, and if that’s what she thinks, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not dumb. Maybe it’s right.


	2. Baz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Simon confess his undying feelings for Baz, as per Penny’s advice? (Is that even a question?) This one is in Baz’s POV, because I love writing him. No offense to Simon. Comments and ur feedback r appreciated!

Snow has been acting incredibly strange lately. He’s been sending me furtive looks every five seconds whenever I’m in the same room as him. He’s been following me too, though not as far as the catacombs. It’s almost as egregious as fifth year.

Almost. There’s something not quite the same— whenever I catch him looking at me or following me, he goes red. He doesn’t accuse me of anything. It’s almost like he’s grown some self-awareness or shame. Like I said— Almost.

It’s like he’s trying to say something. Whenever I shoot him a glare, he moves his awful (and by awful I mean beautiful) jaw, opening and closing his mouth; he looks like a fish. I tell him so.

We’re sitting in our room together, Snow twitching like a bomb. I try to ignore him, but he’s tapping and staring and frankly being incredibly distracting. And I have a history of magick essay to write.

“What is it Snow?” I don’t give him the satisfaction of even a glance.

“Nothing! It’s nothing.”

“Well if it’s nothing, then stop the tapping, please.” I pick my pen back up and return to _Orcs in Magickal Society: A History_. I revel in the fresh silence.

“It’s just—” I throw my pen down and turn my chair to face him.

“Jesus Christ, Snow! What is it?” It’s a small room, and despite being on opposite sides of it, we’re incredibly close.

“Why do we always fight?” That’s a strange way to start a conversation, considering we’ve been sitting in perfect, comfortable not-quite-silence for the past two hours.

“We’re not fighting now, Snow.”

“I know! I mean— why do we usually fight?” His tone is conversational, but his face is flushed, his foot is tapping.

“Because you hate me? Because you’re the Mage’s heir, and you’re expected to. Because you’re convinced I’m a vampire?” There really are so many reasons, and I hate them all. “Can I go back to working now, please?”

“There’s something I need to say.”  
“Go for it,” I say, crossing my legs and sitting back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that- that I made you think I hate you, or something. And—” His mouth hangs open for a moment, like a fish.

“And?”

“I think I love you.” It tumbles from his mouth, like he’s been holding it back just behind his teeth.

_What?_

“I— I don’t— that was, sorry, I—” He takes a breath, and the words that next come out a surprisingly complete sentence. “I love you, and I’ve been in love with you this whole time.” It’s so soft, so unlike how I imagined Snow would confess his love, the few times I dared to.

“No.” I shake my head.

“ _Yes_ ,” he says, insistently, and I don’t understand. I can’t process it.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because Penny said it might make me feel better to tell you, so—”

“No— why me? Why do you love—” _Me_.

“Because.” The look he gives me breaks my heart. “Because you’re smart, and witty, and talented, and fucking gorgeous. Because you’re so obviously more than who your family is. Or being a vampire— don’t deny it. I know you are. It’s okay. ‘Cause I’m also a bit of a freak, when you think about it. My magic. It’s like, it’s like we’re—”

“We match,” I say, and he nods.

“I’m sorry, Baz. If this is. . . weird, it’s just. . .” He looks down. “I love you so much, I had to tell you.”

“ _Simon_ ,” I say, standing. It only takes one step to be standing right in front of him, and I grab his hand. “Don’t be sorry. I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with it.” I smile as soon as I say it, because I _never_ imagined this. Being able to tell Snow I love him, without being afraid of his reaction. (I always imagined crashing into him, shouting my feelings. Never just saying them plainly. Never being secure he would return them.)

His eyes widen at first, and his mouth hangs open. (Like a fish.) And then he’s smiling back at me, a big smile that cracks across his face. And then, tugging me down while he’s standing up, all to kiss me sooner.

We kiss.

The first one is short, and so sweet. The second one is longer, but equally as sentimental. I always thought Snow might kiss like a golden retriever, but really he’s quite good. _Very_ good, as his wandering hands hands reach my face, and he walks me backwards. I pull back only to turn him in my arms, to push him onto my bed and then follow.

I kiss him again. We end up both on our sides, facing each other, kissing a few times more.

“Stop,” he says. “I just want to look at your face for a second. I don’t believe this.”

“That’s so cheesy, Snow.”

“It’s true! You’re just,” he punctuates his sentence with a kiss right next to my mouth, “So beautiful.”

“This doesn’t seem real.”

Snow shakes his head. “Penny is fucking amazing, you know that? This wouldn’t have ever happened. . .” His smile falters, and I know he’s thinking about the future the Old Families and the Mage planned for us. One where we would’ve died not ever knowing.

I sit up, and then tug on his sleeve. When he sits up too, I pull him into a crushing hug. It’s almost better than all the kisses, to hold him. Almost.

“It _is_ happening.”

~

Some hours later, we realize that despite it being a Saturday, there are still meals to be at. So we leave for dinner, tentatively letting go of each others’ hands, but not separating either. I assume we are both incredibly obvious anyway. We have matching smiles that refuse to leave our faces, and although I know nothing of my own appearance, I know Snow looks thoroughly kissed.

“You’ll sit with Penny and me?” He asks, when we reach the dining hall doors.

“I— Yes, if you want me to.”

“Of course I want you to.” He reaches for my hand, even though we’re in the middle of the hallway.

“People will see us together.”

“I know. I. . . want them to. Is that okay? Like, are you okay?” Snow is a fool, thinking for a second that I wouldn’t want to show him off.

So I cast **_Open Sesame!_** on the doors, which is hilarious to me. (The last time I did so, I remember having had an internal monologue about being hopelessly in love with Snow.) The whole dining hall turns to look at us, at Snow and I walking in together. I have to tug him slightly.

When we reach Penny, she looks incredibly smug.

“Hello Simon, Baz.”

“Hey Penny,” Snow says.

“Hold on, Bunce— one thing I have to do before we lose the attention of our peers,” I say. And then I turn to Snow, and press a soft kiss to his soft smile. “Does that answer your question?” I say to him.

“Yes.”

“God, if I’d known Snow confessing his undying love for you would make the two of you so mushy, I never would’ve encouraged it.”

“Too late, Bunce. It’s happened— Which, by the way, thank you for that. You were able to make him speak coherently, for about two sentences.”

“Hey!”

“Was that almost as surprising as him having feelings for you?” She asks. I look at him, the idiot, with a smile tugging at his pink lips.

“Almost.”


End file.
